Biblical Proportions

Seek Thou One Of Biblical Proportions And Cleave Unto Her

I’m very much not any form of Christian, despite having extensively studied their holy works and related texts in various languages, including the original ones in some, mostly New Testament cases. Still, the Bible does hold a lot of wisdom in it, much of which is either directly applicably to today or can be extrapolated to fit with today’s world (If, in many cases, one gets past both accidental and deliberate mistranslations).

A perfect case in point being the entirety of Proverbs, especially Proverbs 5, and most especially Proverbs 5:19:

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

— Proverbs 5:19 KJV

See? This is why, despite being truly theologically, cosmologically, and ontologically opposed to the basic premises underlying Christians’ faith – a single, omniscient, omnipotent God who both made Creation and is Benevolent, I have a respect and fondness for the Bible, especially the Old Testament. The Bible, again especially the Old Testament, sets forth a lot of ways for people to live “rightly” and fairly well, and in those chapters, it includes nuggets of applicable wisdom on how to do so instead of just saying go forth and do this or go forth and don’t do this.

The entirety of Proverbs 5 can be summed up as an admonition to young men to not be promiscuous manwhores, dawgs, or players, but, instead, to find a good woman and stay with her. Then, in verse 19, it gives practical advice on what sort of woman to choose so that a man can better and more easily abide by the stricture. 😉

Carry on, be thee wayward or steadfast,
— jonolan, DTh, DD, MLang

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Let Me Guess

Let Me Guess, The Rat Could Be You
Let Me Guess, The Rat Could Be You

Let me guess, like the rat in this cartoon, you’ve repurposed any exercise equipment you’ve purchased and moved on to less strenuous pursuits – like Netflix, Gaming, and the consumption of “comfort foods.” 😉 Hell! You probably did that months ago, but I didn’t bother chiding anyone about it in early February like I normally do because adjustments in expectations had to be made due to the economic, societal, and psychological malaise brought on by the panicdemic.

With All That’s Gone On, Inspiration Is Hard To Find

I do get it. With the extended lock-downs and closures of gyms across America, combined with many people’s lingering terror of being around other people, it’s been hard to find inspiration to get and/or keep fit. It’s not like we get the positive reinforcement of seeing fine fitness babes anymore.

But, it’s not all doom and gloom. The lack of motivation to exercise combined with the dramatic increase in home culinary practices has ushered in a new era in which hard is less “in” and soft is more so than it had been previously.

Soft Is The New Safe

So, once again it proves that COVID-19 and the panic that still surrounds it isn’t 100% bad. If nothing else, it has marked a decline in body shaming.

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Hard Is Out, Soft Is In

Hard Is Out, Soft Is In

Life after quarantine has likely taken hardbodies away for the foreseeable future, but has ushered in the time of the curvy, softbodies. So, some good came of the coronavirus panic.

Face it, I’ve made a few points abundantly clear over the many years: I am not a dog; I am not a necromancer; and I feel many hardbodies are just presenting different, healthier symptoms of the same mental disease the fashion victims suffer from. So yeah! I’m more than happy that these are the days of curves and soft, feminine forms.

However, that being said, I’m a firm believer in diversity in beauty and I find little point in arguing matters of taste, especially when my own tastes are more guidelines than firm rules. Hence, I do miss the hardbodies and hope they make a quick comeback.

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Because …

Because … Nope! I Got Nothing
Because … Nope! I Got Nothing

And here we have a cute Asian Softbody, half-dressed on the beach with her saxaphone because … I don’t have a clue. Given the look on her face, the model also has no clue what going on or why it is.

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Your Bikini Body

This is not a Bikini Interlude. It has a purpose beyond mere prurient pleasure. It’s a discussion – read as lecture; I’m nothing if not pedantic – of- and about any and every woman’s bikini body.

Ladies, Your Bikini Body

Yes, it’s April, so we here in the Northern Hemisphere are approaching bikini season. Hence, we’re soon to be inundated with ads for “quick fix” weight-loss programs / products and with you all fretting about your bodies and bikinis – or really, any bathing suits whatsoever.

This Could Be Your Bikini Body

Maybe you have a slim, slender, and/or tight body that fits the mold that our society says is suitable for a bikini. If so, break out that bikini and strap your body into it. Few, though not none, will complain.

If you came by that body of yours naturally, luck you. Enjoy it and the pleasure it brings. If you’ve worked hard and stressed yourself out to get it, accept both my congratulations and condolences. You’ve certainly earned the privilege to enjoy yourself.

Or This Could Be Your Bikini Body

Maybe your body is toned and muscular. Maybe you’re a true hardbodied babe. If so, you’ve either gotten your body to look like that through hard work, intense body sculpting, or some combination of two. Few, if any of note, are going to complain about you in a bikini. Go out and enjoy yourself and the attention you’re sure to garner.

Or This Could Be Your Bikini Body

Or maybe –most likely, probably – you’ve got a curvy, phat, soft body, one that doesn’t meet society’s rather nastily enforced esthetic standards when it comes to wearing a bikini. That’s all good too. Fuck society and the expectations and demands it’s fallen prey to.

If you want to rock that bikini, do so! The haters are always going to find a reason to hate and the rest of us, who are either the increasingly less silent majority or the largest plurality, will either approve or just not care.

Ask Yourself Why, Ladies

Ladies, you should ask yourself why exactly you want to wear a bikini in the first place. Being goal orient is, after all, almost always the best way to go into anything.

If you’re looking for a sexual partner and planning on wearing a bikini to help attract one, then you’re likely to succeed irrespective of whether your body its, tight, hard, or curvy and soft. Men are varied and rarely absolute in our tastes and I’m told that women, if that’s your thing, are even more extreme in this. You’re going to, in all likelihood, get what you’re looking for and have a choice in partners.

On the other hand, if you’re planning on wearing a bikini just for yourself because that’s the bathing suit you want to wear for the purposes of tanning, comfort, or whatever reason, then who cares? In this case, it’s all about you and the attraction for- or approval of others really shouldn’t matter at all.

Ladies, in this case it is your body, your bikini, and your choice. Don’t be afraid of making the wrong choice because there isn’t one.

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