As far too many people know and, for reasons that defy logic, seem to care, Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren have divorced after the world found out that Tiger had cheated on her with a laundry list of men and women.
Apparently Elin Nordegren had a problem with being married to a serial pervert.
Of course, one of society’s biggest “concerns” was what the divorce settlement would be. So far there are no firm details about how much Tiger is actually going to end up paying for the skanks, whores, and “male escorts” he frequented for years, but some rumors are available.
From the Onion Sports Network:
Former super-couple Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are making it official with one of the highest-profile divorces in sports. Here’s how it will work:
- Couple will evenly split 8-foot-tall pile of money in the spare bedroom
- Joint custody of the caddy
- Woods required to hire cleaning company to remove skank juice from living room carpeting
- Elin is entitled to half of Tiger’s collection of strap-ons, double dildos, leather handcuffs, feather ticklers, nipple clamps, vibrating cock rings, pleasure wands, Fleshlights, anal plugs, cock slings, and Rim Raiders
- Tiger Woods will keep all of the $178 million in cash he stashed in an offshore account in anticipation of just this sort of thing
- Couple will have shared custody of the children, with Woods seeing them every other decade
- Tiger gets the couple’s Ford Festiva
- Elin is now the face of Gillette Mach 3 razors
I really don’t have any sympathy for Elin Nordegren though; she had to know that this sort of behavior by Tiger was unavoidable. The brutha golfed! A Hole in One was bound to turn into “a hole in dat one, and dat one, and dat one … Damn! I gots to get me into all of ’em holes.” 😛