Reflections From a Murky Pond

Wednesday, July 20, 2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis will complete STS-135 and land for the final time, marking the end of NASA’s  30 year long Shuttle Program.

This the ending of a generation long era and is a bittersweet thing. Many people will miss both the Space Shuttle and America’s manned spaced program, which has probably ended as well.

Nostalgia aside, many people believe that we’ll miss America’s Space Program for a wide variety of tangible technological reasons, citing the plethora of technologies that they believe were either developed by NASA or at NASA’s request.

Perhaps happily, much of what they believe was done by or specifically for NASA wasn’t as the former chair of the Department of Physics at the University of Maryland and founder of Washington Office of the American Physical Society, Dr. Robert L. “Bob” Park has repeatedly stated.

Voodoo Science: The Road from Foolishness to Fraud: In 10 well-written essays suitable for a lay audience, Robert Park uses pathological science as a basis for far-reaching discussions on science, society, and the misinformation that reaches the public.

Dr. Park Touches upon everything from Deepak Chopra’s “quantum alternative to growing old,” and “free energy” machines, to the unwarranted hype surrounding the International Space Station.

Like some critics I disagree on some points with Dr. Park and think that he has underplayed the advances in science and technology came as derivatives of the Space Program. Voodoo Science is certainly worth reading however. It sets a framework from which the reader can move on to rationally approach scientific and technological advances as they truly are as opposed to how they are presented to the everyday layman.

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Many people over the decades have lamented and bemoaned the consistently poor performance of America’s court proceedings, both civil and tort. Questions are constantly asked as to why our nation’s court system seems unable to deliver consistent good, well-reasoned, and just verdicts.

I think much of the problem is the gross stupidity of those people, especially the lawyers, involved in the American courts.

In furtherance of my case I present into evidence the following excerpts from various court proceedings:

ATTORNEY:What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:He said , ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY:And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

~*~

ATTORNEY:What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

~*~

ATTORNEY:Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:No, I just lie there.

~*~

ATTORNEY:This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:Yes.
ATTORNEY:And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:I forget…
ATTORNEY:You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

~*~

ATTORNEY:Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS:We both do.
ATTORNEY:Voodoo?
WITNESS:We do.
ATTORNEY:You do?
WITNESS:Yes, voodoo.

~*~

ATTORNEY:Now doctor , isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:Did you actually pass the bar exam?

~*~

ATTORNEY:The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS:He’s 20 , much like your IQ.

~*~

ATTORNEY:Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:Are you shitting me?

~*~

ATTORNEY:So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:Yes.
ATTORNEY:And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:Getting laid.

~*~

ATTORNEY:She had three children , right?
WITNESS:Yes.
ATTORNEY:How many were boys?
WITNESS:None.
ATTORNEY:Were there any girls?
WITNESS:Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

~*~

ATTORNEY:How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:By death.
ATTORNEY:And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:Take a guess.

~*~

ATTORNEY:Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

~*~

ATTORNEY:Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

~*~

ATTORNEY:Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

~*~

ATTORNEY:ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:Oral…

~*~

ATTORNEY:Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:If not, he was by the time I finished.

~*~

ATTORNEY:Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:Are you qualified to ask that question?

~*~

ATTORNEY:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:No.
ATTORNEY:Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:No.
ATTORNEY:Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:No.
ATTORNEY:So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:No.
ATTORNEY:How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Sadly, we as a nation will receive exactly the court system that we deserve. If, by our gross stupidity, we stock it with fools we will assuredly reap and rue the harvest of such.

NOTE: While the quotes above are pure humor and no more than that, even the book they were purported to be from, Disorder In The American Courts being a hoax, they do all seem so plausible, don’t they?

Given the long-running popularity of court proceedings as day-time reality TV ala Judge Judy or The People’s Court, and the inanity, ignorance, and gross stupidity regularly shown upon those programs, I suppose this is to be expected.

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People in civilized, nominally secure nations, most especially Americans, fear, loath and despise the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) and it’s officers and agents who provide the visible semblance of airport security.

They really don’t like, and oft times rant about, what they perceive as odious and  needlessly invasive screenings at the hands and machines of the Transportation Security Officials (TSOs).

Ah, but that’s here on Earth. On Gor things would be quite different. The TSOs of Gor would brook no defiance from a mere passenger.

I watched as the woman cringed and attempted to draw back from Thargyur, the TSA official. “What gives you the right to inspect me?” she demanded.

“You will be inspected,” said the TSA officer.

“But I do not want to be inspected! I just want to board my plane and leave!” protested the woman.

“You will be inspected,” said the TSA officer.

“Please do not inspect me! I beg you, don’t strip me and place me in that scanning machine and fondle my breasts!”

“You will be inspected,” said the TSA officer.

Verily, the TSA officer moved forward and proceeded to inspect the woman.

“Stop inspecting me!” cried the woman. “I do not want to be inspected!” The TSA officer continued to inspect the woman. “Help! Police! Bystander! Congress! Somebody… stop this man!” she moaned. The TSA officer continued to inspect the woman. She was passenger. She would be inspected whenever the TSA officer desired to inspect her. In other permissive societies such as Earth’s, perhaps the TSA officer and passenger might be prevented from filling their true places in nature; but in Gor, the passenger had no rights. She was passenger. She would be inspected at will.

The woman cried muchly as the TSA officer finished inspecting her. Too, she had been inspected; but this did not matter. She was passenger.

“You have been inspected,” said the TSA officer.

“Yes,” sobbed the woman. “I have been inspected.”

“I have inspected you very well,” said the TSA officer.

“Yes.” sobbed the woman. “I have been inspected very well; I am a passenger and deserve to be well-inspected by the TSA.” And yet, despite her sobbing, the passenger felt more passenger-like than she ever had on Earth. Only here, on Gor, could she truly feel like a passenger, at the capable hands of a Gorean TSA officer who would inspect her whenever he wished.

The next passenger, having seen this, did not protest when the TSA official inspected her. She was passenger. Such was the way of things.

When the TSA official had finished muchly inspecting her, she said to the first passenger, “I have been well inspected.”

“I, too, have been well inspected,” said the first passenger.

“I will be inspected whenever the TSA pleases,” said the second passenger.

“I, too, will be inspected whenever the TSA pleases,” said the first passenger.

“I may now board my plane,” said the second passenger.

“I, too, may now board my plane,” said the first passenger.

“Tal,” said the second passenger.

“Tal, too,” said the first passenger.

I smiled as I watched the passengers depart. I did not figure the first passenger would object to being inspected again; for this was Gor, and over her life, the passenger would likely be touched and inspected by many TSA agents. Such is the place of passengers.

Yes, on the fantasy world detailed in 29 volumes (soon to be 30) by John Norman aka Dr. John Lange, things would be quite different for the passengers indeed. They would be inspected, swiftly learn to accept it, soon learn to like it, and eventually come to yearn for their inspections and to love their TSOs.

It is well known that the Gorean TSO, though often strict, is seldom cruel. The passenger knows, if she pleases him, her trip will be an easy one. She will almost never encounter sadism or wanton cruelty, for the psychological environment that tends to breed these diseases is largely absent from Gor. This does not mean that she will not expect to be beaten if she disobeys, or fails to please her TSO.

I wish you well!

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