As far too many people know and, for reasons that defy logic, seem to care, Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren have divorced after the world found out that Tiger had cheated on her with a laundry list of men and women.
Apparently Elin Nordegren had a problem with being married to a serial pervert.
Of course, one of society’s biggest “concerns” was what the divorce settlement would be. So far there are no firm details about how much Tiger is actually going to end up paying for the skanks, whores, and “male escorts” he frequented for years, but some rumors are available.
Former super-couple Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are making it official with one of the highest-profile divorces in sports. Here’s how it will work:
Couple will evenly split 8-foot-tall pile of money in the spare bedroom
Joint custody of the caddy
Woods required to hire cleaning company to remove skank juice from living room carpeting
Elin is entitled to half of Tiger’s collection of strap-ons, double dildos, leather handcuffs, feather ticklers, nipple clamps, vibrating cock rings, pleasure wands, Fleshlights, anal plugs, cock slings, and Rim Raiders
Tiger Woods will keep all of the $178 million in cash he stashed in an offshore account in anticipation of just this sort of thing
Couple will have shared custody of the children, with Woods seeing them every other decade
Tiger gets the couple’s Ford Festiva
Elin is now the face of Gillette Mach 3 razors
I really don’t have any sympathy for Elin Nordegren though; she had to know that this sort of behavior by Tiger was unavoidable. The brutha golfed! A Hole in One was bound to turn into “a hole in dat one, and dat one, and dat one … Damn! I gots to get me into all of ’em holes.” 😛
This is how I feel about the state of the government most times these days. It’s funny and depressing at the same time.
Are We There Yet? Is It November Yet?
Can we just get to the 2010 Congressional Midterm Elections, kick these jackasses out of office, and maybe, just maybe, get on with the business of restoring some measure or vestige of sanity to America?
What do you get when you combine beautiful, talented women from Australia, England, and Wales? In this case you get the hottest string quartet to hit the charts in history, bond.
Classically Hot – Bond’s Fuego
The string quartet, specializing in classical cross-over music, currently consists of Tania Davis from Australia, Eos Chater from Wales, and Elspeth Hanson and Gay-Yee Westerhoff from England. Above is the video for their new single, Fuego from their album, Shine.
On Monday, August 23, 2010 a US federal judge blocked the Obama administration from funding human embryonic stem cell research via the National Institutes of Health (NHS). The court ruled that the President Obama’s planned financial support Human Embryonic Stem Cell (HESC) research violates an existing federal law barring the use of taxpayer money for experiments that destroy human embryos.
So much for President Obama March 9, 2009 Executive Order 13505, with which he supposedly tried to fund the practice with taxpayer money.
U.S. District Judge Royce C. Lamberth issued a preliminary injunction that prohibits the National Institutes of Health from funding the research under the administration’s new guidelines, citing an appeals court’s ruling that the researchers who had challenged the less-restrictive policy have the legal standing to pursue their lawsuit.
The decision, a setback for one of the administration’s most high-profile scientific policies, was praised by opponents of the research.
The preliminary injunction will, if some vestige of the laws of America still exist, be followed with a final ruling that permanently blocks Obama’s directive. This is not because HESC research is wrong but because a President’s Executive Orders do not overrule the laws as created by the Congress and, therefor he cannot approve such funding when a law explicitly prohibits it.
That is a much more important point than whether or not Human Embryonic Stem Cell Research gets federal funding – unless one suddenly likes the idea of the “Imperial Presidency.”
In Aesop fable of The Ant and the Grasshopper a grasshopper spends the warm months singing and idling while the ant worked hard to store up food for long, cold winter. When winter arrives, the grasshopper finds itself dying of hunger, and upon asking the ant for food and shelter, is rejected and castigated for its idleness and sloth. Soon the grasshopper dies of cold and hunger.
The story was once used to teach the virtues of hard work and saving, and the perils of laziness and improvidence.
That, of course, was a story for a vastly different age. Now such a parable would be derided as an example of greed and the ant would be cast as the villain. Yet, even so, The Ant and the Grasshopper can be recast in a modern light:
The Ant and the Grasshopper: A Parable For Today
The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.
CBS, NBC , PBS, NPR, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green…’
ACORN busses in hundreds of angry protesters and stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, ‘We Shall Overcome.’
Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s sake, demanding that they must kill any God that did not damn this ant.
President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.
Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act, making it retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, rumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.
The entire Nation collapses bringing down the rest of the free world with it, and in some dark, but suddenly nearer Hell Pazuzu smiles.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be careful how you vote in 2010 and 2012.
Sadly, we’ve degenerated very far since the time of that 7th Century BC Thracian Fabulist, Aesop became famous across the ancient world as the preeminent teller of fables. Now the Ant would be cast as the rapacious, selfish, capitalist and the Grasshopper as an oppressed minority or an example of “The Ant’s Burden.” 😉