Biblical Proportions

Seek Thou One Of Biblical Proportions And Cleave Unto Her

I’m very much not any form of Christian, despite having extensively studied their holy works and related texts in various languages, including the original ones in some, mostly New Testament cases. Still, the Bible does hold a lot of wisdom in it, much of which is either directly applicably to today or can be extrapolated to fit with today’s world (If, in many cases, one gets past both accidental and deliberate mistranslations).

A perfect case in point being the entirety of Proverbs, especially Proverbs 5, and most especially Proverbs 5:19:

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

— Proverbs 5:19 KJV

See? This is why, despite being truly theologically, cosmologically, and ontologically opposed to the basic premises underlying Christians’ faith – a single, omniscient, omnipotent God who both made Creation and is Benevolent, I have a respect and fondness for the Bible, especially the Old Testament. The Bible, again especially the Old Testament, sets forth a lot of ways for people to live “rightly” and fairly well, and in those chapters, it includes nuggets of applicable wisdom on how to do so instead of just saying go forth and do this or go forth and don’t do this.

The entirety of Proverbs 5 can be summed up as an admonition to young men to not be promiscuous manwhores, dawgs, or players, but, instead, to find a good woman and stay with her. Then, in verse 19, it gives practical advice on what sort of woman to choose so that a man can better and more easily abide by the stricture. 😉

Carry on, be thee wayward or steadfast,
— jonolan, DTh, DD, MLang

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My Favorite Cosplay

My Favorite Cosplay – Velma

I spent a lot of years attending and working various Sci-Fi conventions and my wives still do so for a few of them up and down the Eastern Seaboard. It’s, hence, no surprise that I’ve a fondness for cosplay. And my sort of favorite cosplay is Velma from Scooby-Doo.

Face it, Velma is/was awesome for so many values for the best character. She was the “smart chick” and was seriously plump and curvy – and not ashamed to wear a pleated miniskirt to show off those thicc thighs. That’s a lot of good to be said for the character, especially when she was written in 1969.

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Your Body + Your Bikini

As we’re coming up upon bikini season her in the Northern Hemisphere, and this will be the 1st time in far too long when people can go to the beach, I’ve decided to reiterate my advice about women’s bodies and bikinis.

Your Body Is A Bikini Body
All Women’s Bodies Are Bikini Bodies

I am, as are most people, that “society” has decreed that a Bikini Body is one that is considered attractive enough to be seen on a beach in a two-piece swimsuit. This same “society” has defined the requirements for “attractive enough” to be having: a thin waist, rounded-but-not-too-round butt, full-but-not-too-large breasts, long legs, and be slender overall but not “too muscular.” Also, your body should supposedly have no cellulite, no body hair, no stretch marks, and no blemishes.

Firstly, I do not know who this “society” is, since these rules don’t match and/or are far to restrictive and exclusive to represent what men find attractive in a woman’s body or who we want to see in a bikini. Secondly, fuck this so-called society!

Your Body + Your Bikini = A Hot Time At The Beach

Got A Classical Bikini Body? That’s A No-Brainer

Ladies, if you’ve got a body that matches or mostly matches the “accepted” Bikini Body, this is a no-brainer. Strap one one and hit the beach instead of obsessing over small “flaws” that nobody but you, some envy-based haters, and the incels are going to even notice.

Got A Muscled Hardbody? That’s Also Pretty Much A No-Brainer

So, you’ve worked hard and built yourself a well-muscled hardbody. This to is or should be a no-brainer. Strap yourself into a bikini had hit the beach. Because, let’s face it, the naysayers and gatekeepers demand that a Bikini Body shouldn’t be “too muscular” is utter and complete nonsense. The majority of us find your bodies quite attractive.

Got A Soft, Phat Body? Get Into A Bikini And Get To The Beach

OK, so, you’ve got a phat, soft body. So what? Those saying that you’ve no business wearing a bikini – or even being on a beach at all in some of their cases – have no more power or authority than you give them. Remember that your body is also called curvy, voluptuous, fertile, and/or sinful, and has been THE beauty standard for the majority of Man’s history. So, slide into a bikini and rock the beach! But be ready for at least a bit more attention than you’ve been conditioned to expect. 😉

Got A Flat-Chested Body? Get In A Bikini And Get To The Beach

Alright; you may or may be quite slender, but your concern is that you’ve small breasts. You even be essentially flat-chested. Just slide on an appropriately downsized bikini and enjoy the beach, because I really don’t understand the problem, though I accept that it somehow is one.

Got An Average Body? Slide On A Bikini And Hit The Beach

Finally, if you’re like the majority of women – one of what I estimate as 2.7 billion women across globe – with an “average” body, one that doesn’t fit the beauty magisterium’s stringent requirements or which fits into any of the above categories, buy a bikini if you don’t own one, put it on, and go to the beach. You are the norm. You are the expectation. All your supposed flaws do is make you seem more approachable and/or attainable.

~*~

In other, fewer words – far, far too few for a blog post – ignore the sorts who’ve mandated rules for wearing bikinis, wear one if you wish and go to the beach no matter which sort of body you have.

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Health Measures

Health Measures
Healthy Measurements
Th
Health Measures That Save Lives

Taking proper health measures, both physical and mental, is more than little important. So, remember that science says that thick thighs save lives, societal studies show that curvier women are happier, and there’s quantifiable and qualitative evidence pointing to this being very good for men’s health as well.

Thick Thighs Save Lives & Make Them Better

So, take health measures – and measurements 😆 – but be moderate in how seriously you take them. After all, don’t let your mental health suffer unduly for the sake of your physical health. That wouldn’t help anyone or make anyone happier, so why do it?

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Let Me Guess

Let Me Guess, The Rat Could Be You
Let Me Guess, The Rat Could Be You

Let me guess, like the rat in this cartoon, you’ve repurposed any exercise equipment you’ve purchased and moved on to less strenuous pursuits – like Netflix, Gaming, and the consumption of “comfort foods.” 😉 Hell! You probably did that months ago, but I didn’t bother chiding anyone about it in early February like I normally do because adjustments in expectations had to be made due to the economic, societal, and psychological malaise brought on by the panicdemic.

With All That’s Gone On, Inspiration Is Hard To Find

I do get it. With the extended lock-downs and closures of gyms across America, combined with many people’s lingering terror of being around other people, it’s been hard to find inspiration to get and/or keep fit. It’s not like we get the positive reinforcement of seeing fine fitness babes anymore.

But, it’s not all doom and gloom. The lack of motivation to exercise combined with the dramatic increase in home culinary practices has ushered in a new era in which hard is less “in” and soft is more so than it had been previously.

Soft Is The New Safe

So, once again it proves that COVID-19 and the panic that still surrounds it isn’t 100% bad. If nothing else, it has marked a decline in body shaming.

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