For Everyone Else

One always has to remember that people aren’t ever responsible for their actions; if they’ve done something wrong or heinous it’s because they’re sick or “have a problem.”

Such people should never be held accountable for their actions; they need treatment an rehabilitation, not punishment or consequences.

For The Rest Of There's... Paul Fell's great comic
“Treatment” Varies By Facility Of Course

That’s why actors and actresses; politicians and bureaucrats; and the rich and famous of any stripe go to rehab. For the everyone else who can’t afford such treatment programs there’s “home remedies.” 😉

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Too Many Holes!

Golf has been a source of contention in many marriages over the years, it taking up a great deal of some men’s attention, time, money – each of which many wives feel would be better spent upon them.

Indeed, some “golf widows” would prefer their husbands to just about anything other than play golf. 😉

After an enjoyable eighteen hole of golf, a man stopped in a bar for a beer before heading home. There he struck up a conversation with a ravishing young beauty. They had a couple of drinks, liked each other, and soon she invited him over to her apartment. For two hours they made mad, passionate love.

On the way home, the man’s conscience started bothering him something awful. He loved his wife and didn’t want this unplanned indiscretion to ruin their relationship, so he decided the only thing to do was come clean.

”Honey,” he said when he got home, “I have a confession to make. After I played golf today, I stopped by the bar for a beer, met a beautiful woman, went back to her apartment and made love to her for two hours. I’m sorry, it won’t ever happen again, and I hope you’ll forgive me.”

His wife scowled at him and said, “Don’t lie to me, you sorry scumbag! You played thirty-six holes, didn’t you?”

What’s equal parts funny and sad is that I know women who, if their husband made such a confession, would respond the same way! 😯

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Weiner Explained

More than a few people are confused as to why Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY 9) would risk throwing away his career by “sexting” with a bunch of young women and girls. This understandable confusion can, however, be quite easily laid to rest…

Weiner's Actions Explained: Weiner Is Beavis!
Heh, Henh, Henh, Henh. He Texted His Weiner

Weiner’s pathetic and buttheaded behavior was and is nothing more than a simple case of form following dysfunction. 😛

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Biblical Marriage

In the past I’ve made some sarcastic posts about DOMA and traditional aka biblical marriage. To continue in that vein here’s an instructional video by Betty Bowers on traditional marriage as defined by biblical precedent:

Betty Bowers on Traditional Marriage Per The Bible

Yes, the video is needlessly harsh, insulting, and sarcastic. It also uses some pretty far-fetched interpretation of biblical passages – e.g., there’s no theological basis for saying Eve seduced Cain; it’s far more likely that he took one of his unnamed in the Bible sisters to wife. That doesn’t, however, mean that it doesn’t contain a number of simple truths about what Yahweh supposed endorses by way of marriage.

King SolomonChristians, you need to read your Bible; it is, after all, your holy book and, as such, more than worthy of individual study.

In it are many passages that show that Abraham’s God seemed to have little or no problem with many forms of marriage beyond “one man and one woman.” Indeed, nowhere’s in the Bible is monogamy ever explicitly described as a requirement or even the preferred choice.

Divorce, contrariwise, was expressly forbidden in both Old and New Testaments.

On the other hand, the Bible does maintain that same-sex marriage, along with a number of other acts now generally considered OK, is right out, forbidden, and an abomination to be treated with abhorrence and lethal violence.

Remember, God hates fags – though possibly not lesbians, multi-cropping / under-planting, poly-cotton blends, gaudy jewelry, and shellfish. 😛

So, my dear Christian sometimes-allies, have some fun with this if you can. Think a bit on it though; there’s truth buried in any bit of humor, elsewise it wouldn’t be funny.

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Daddy’s Home!

A special thanks to Blakkfrogg for this one:

“Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy right now.”

Brief Pause.

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

“I did it Daddy.”

“And what happened honey?”

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh, my God! What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared, and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool, and I think he’s dead.”

***Long Pause***

Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool?” Is this 555-9600?”

OMGs, can you say “Oops!” Then again, justice often takes as winding path…

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