Reflections From a Murky Pond

There is humor to be found in almost anything. Even those things which are the most vile and pernicious still hold the seeds of comedy within them, if one but knows how and where to look. Indeed, AIDS, Islam, and other similar things need jokes to be told about them.

So here are some jokes attributed to the – probably completely fictitious – Muslim comic, Goffaq Yousef:

Good evening, gentlemen, and get out, ladies.

On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the Bathroom the entire time.
There was a sign on the door that said “occupied.”

What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
Nothing! You told her twice already!

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!

Did you hear about the Broadway play, The Palestinians?
It bombed!

What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?
Lefty!

Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!

Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank?
Because it’s just a stone’s throw from Israel!

Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!

A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police.
“Honest, I’m not a suicide bomber,” he said. “I didn’t say I wanted to blow Myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I’m dying to get laid!”

What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward?
“Live ammunition.”

A Palestinian girl says to her mommy:
“After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?”

As a special bonus there’s a another bit of humor contained in this post – the supposed comic himself. Goffaq Yousef - go ahead and say it out loud a couple of times

This spoofed theatrical trailer reminds me a lot of the old Mystery Science Theater 3000 cable television series.

Attack Of The Muslims!

In a nation ruled by Shari’a, one woman dares attempt to defy the Islamic law by studying at a library. Soon, wave after wave of Islamic stupidity comes knocking, threatening to kill and/or stupefy every kufr they find.

The goods news is that you can deal with Muslims the same way as you would – in the normal zombie movie “ficton” – deal with zombies. Shoot them in the head! The even better news is that, unlike zombies, you can also shoot Muslims in the gut with the same effect but greater and longer lasting entertainment value.

Given the facts that Labor Unions – the ghastly bastard offspring of organized labor – is a Socialist construct, that Islam’s Shari’a sets forth a required socio-economic model within the Caliphate that is very close to Socialism (Look at the economic model used by Iran as a guide), and that Al-Qaeda is made of up Fundamentalist Muslims it would seem logical that, sooner or later, the vermin in Al-Qaeda would organize and form labor unions.

Thankfully for humanity, it probably wouldn’t work any better for the terrorist vermin than it has for human endeavors.

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, “Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We don’t ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth.”

Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. “Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins,” complains Amir. “And you can be sure they’ll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?”

Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,

“We sympathise with our workers’ concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don’t like cutting wages but I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.” He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. “How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can’t compete with the private sector?” asked Mr. Bin-Laden.

Talks broke down this morning after management’s last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying “I’ll be buggered if I agree to anything like that……..it’s too much of a mouthful to swallow”.

Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will only be using waist-down explosives in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.

Of course this joke is predicated on a British venue. In America such a union of terrorists would quickly be subsumed by the larger, more organized, and more dangerous SEIU and/or Teamsters. The poor little Muslim filth wouldn’t stand much of chance of not being taken over by those thugs.

A laughing H/T to MidEastTruth for this one.