Get It Right, Sisters

Mixed CoupleYou Black women in America really need to reconsider your dating, relationship, marriage, and reproductive choices and you need to do so soon.

You may well think that there is nothing more physically beautiful on this earth than a dark skinned Black man, and there’s nothing wrong with in and of itself. Outside of that physical preference, however, there are a plethora of more financially, intellectually, and emotionally stable options – and they’re White.

The counter proposal or rebuttal to, “Once you’ve gone Black you’ll never go back,” is “Once you’ve gone White you’ll know you’ve got it right.”

Here are eight reasons in no particular order why White men just might be the better choice for you Black ladies:

  1. They open wide instead of down low

    Gay White men tend to be more forthcoming about their status with family and friends. The down low phenomenon is less prevalent, which preserves the battery usage on your gaydar and relieves the stress of dissecting every male relationship.

  2. Not looking for someone to take care of them

    Thanks to the absence of family, fathers and marriage in the Black community, a great number of our men have backward expectations when it comes to romantic relationships. A higher percentage of White men come from stronger family structures and more traditional gender roles, where the men seek to care for the women.

  3. Attend and graduate from college

    Black women are graduating from college and Black men continue to drop out. As a result, degrees become intimidating when dating Black men. In White culture, education is valued and expected. Thus, White men have no problem dating educated women with advanced degrees. It is impressive rather than intimidating.

  4. At least attempt to marry before making babies

    For whatever reason, White men just don’t have children sprinkled all over the world like Black men. And, if they do, most of them were married to the mother at some point. Sure, they divorce but you can only divorce if you at least attempt a marriage.

  5. They don’t glamorize ignorance

    They may listen to rap music, but they are smart enough not to act it out. The ‘thug life’ is not something to be aspired. White men have a firmer grasp on what really defines manhood.

  6. Financial planning and stability

    Black people, especially men, are always trying to shine, often spending more money than they have. White men tend to be more educated in the area of finance with a greater understanding of retirement planning, savings, investments, etc. This is mostly due to a higher level of exposure and teaching, but all that matters is they know and make better decisions than Black men when it comes to managing money.

  7. Have the ability to look beyond your past

    Ever wonder why White people can date the friends of exes and so on? It’s because they don’t let the past hinder the present. Promiscuous Black men think they deserve to settle down with virgins, and allow past relationships to haunt the present. Not White men. They have no problem turning a hoe into a housewife.

  8. Don’t take everything as a challenge to their masculinity

    Intimidation and insecurity are two reasons for the rift between Black men and women. As a result of their insecurities and low self-esteem, Black men are intimidated by the strength of an educated and ambitious Black woman. Rather than seeing her as a strong teammate, she is a threat to their manhood. Thus, they feel the need to overcompensate. White men, on the other hand, are more secure. What Black men see as threatening is what makes a great wife and business partner to them.

OK, cue the race baiters and their screeching cries of racism because I, a White man, dared to write those eight reasons why White men might be a better choice for Black women than men of their own race. Oops! I didn’t write them. LaShaun Williams, who happens to be a Black woman, wrote them in 2010 for Madame Noire. I do, however, largely agree with most of Mrs. Williams’ assertions and don’t disagree with any of them.

It should, however, be noted that I have a personal bias in this matter. One of my wives is a strong, educated, Black woman – one who isn’t High Yellow and who doesn’t have “Good Hair.”

But seriously! You Black women really need to consider branching out and away from Black men. This holds doubly true for you educated Black women; the majority of Black males have little to offer you in the long run and those relative few who do are be sought by other Black women and Latina and White women as well.

So give Vanilla a chance and you just may agree that “Once you’ve gone White you’ll know you’ve got it right.”

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God Promised

The God of the Abrahamic sects has a pretty bad reputation for being a stern and humorless diety.

God Promised Men good and obedient Wives
Yahweh Isn’t Always Stern And Humorless

As you can see though, He will have His little jokes. πŸ˜†

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Muslima Dating Ads

I pulled these off of eFitna.com, the Muslim version of the Christian-centric eHarmony.com. Much like normal women, Muslimas are looking for husbands online these days.

Muslim Dating Ads
Muslimas Looking For Love…And Camels

Of course, given the rampant illiteracy among Muslims and certain proclivities among their males, I’m not sure how well this site or these ads will benefit these females – which is probably for the best as far as the people of the world are concerned. πŸ˜†

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Understanding Our Needs

Men and women are similar but different, complimentarian parts of the greater whole known as marriage. As such, men and women have different needs and it behooves each to make those needs known to the other in a manner in which they can understand.

One night a husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says, “I don’ t feel like it. I just want you to hold me.”

The husband says, “WHAT???” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, “We’ll take all three of them.” Then he goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.

And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited – she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says β€œbut you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.”

The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says “I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register.”

The husband says, “No no no, honey we’re not going to buy all this stuff.” The wife face goes blank.

“No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.”

Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says, “You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!”

Sometimes, in these cases, exercises and example do work better than mere words. That is not, however, to say that such lessons will be well recieved. There’s no implication that such teachable moments are going to have pleasant short-term results and I do NOT suggest doing them anywhere near the shoe department. πŸ˜‰

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Lifesavers In School

LifesaversOnce upon a time in America, not truly too long ago, candy and other snacks weren’t forbidden in our schools. Indeed, not only were students allowed to bring such dangerous contraband to school, teachers often handed such obesity-causing agents to their pupils.

Sometimes teachers even incorporated the now-forbidden treats into their lesson plans.

This, upon occasion, caused problems that even the FLOTUS’ food police couldn’t have expected…

A kindergarten teacher chose to use Lifesavers as a teaching tool to instruct her young charges in the various flavors of fruit available to them, the color coding of the original five-flavors of the candies being considered standardized and effective.

She handed out the candies to your students and the quickly began to identify the flavors by the colors of the individual candies.

  • Red = Cherry
  • Yellow = Lemon
  • Green = Lime
  • Orange = Orange

Note: Off-white / Pineapple was determined not to be age-appropriate and was forcibly removed from the teacher’s lesson plan under the direction of the federal government.

Then the teacher handed them honey-flavored Lifesavers. None of the students could successfully identify the flavor.

The teacher said, “I’ll give you all a little clue. It’s what your mother sometimes calls your father.”

One little girl’s eyes widened in horror and she spit the candy out of her mouth, exclaiming, “Oh my God! They’re assholes!”

The teacher had to leave the room at that point.

And please! Before any of the slightly younger and more properly educated readers start complaining, remember that this is an old joke. Back then the unenlightened school teachers were not properly chastened for using such horribly gendered and heteronormative prejudicial and bigoted terms such as “Mother” and “Father.”

And again, please! This is an old joke. The child in question wasn’t removed from the class and her parents’ weren’t brought up on charges for her wildly inappropriate and Christofascist violation of the Separation of Church and State by mentioning God on public property.

Just enjoy the joke as you can. Humor can, after all, be a lifesaver. πŸ˜‰

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