Reflections From a Murky Pond

Americans are wrong, socially inept, and gauche – or so our titular allies in Europe and Britain so often of take great pains to tell us. A case it point:

A US Marine fresh from deployment in Afghanistan enters a train in Europe. The train was quite crowded, so the Marine walked the entire length lf it ooking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?”

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

“Please, ma’am. May I sit down here? I’m very tired.”

She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!”

This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, “Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!”

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up and said to the Marine, “Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

As a general rule I prefer dogs over Americans. Europeans – especially the French until very recently – are farther down on my list of favored or tolerated animals so I’d have to grudgingly agree with the Brit in this instance

California and Texas are similar in many tangible respects, especially economically. So why is California broke and on the verge of bankruptcy whereas Texas is doing nominally well?

Vs.

The major difference is how California (Blue State) handles situations and spends tax-dollars as opposed to how Texas (Red State) does so. For example:

California

Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks dog.

1. Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.
2. Governor calls animal control. Animal control captures coyote and spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 upon relocating it.
3. Governor calls veterinarian. Vet collects dead dog and spends $200 testing it for diseases.
4. Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting bite wound bandaged.
5. Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while wildlife services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear of dangerous animals.
6. Governor spends $50,000 of state funds implementing a “coyote awareness” program for residents of the area.
7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating how to better handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate the disease.
8. Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack and for letting the Governor intervene.
9. State pays $75,000 to train new security agent.
10. PETA protests the coyote relocation and files suit against the state.

Texas

1. Governor shoots coyote and keeps jogging. Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge. Buzzards eat dead coyote.

Are there still any questions as why California is broke and Texas isn’t?

I had been concerned by the lack of jokes about President Obama by the late night hosts. I was worried that either the media executives – mostly all Obama followers – were censoring the comics or that Obama’s race was having a quelling effect upon the hosts of late night television.

I’m happy to be proven wrong in this matter.

Here’s a sampling of some fairly recent “Question & Answer” sessions with some of America’s late night television hosts. I hope you enjoy their return to normal behavior somewhere near as much as I do.

Question: Have you heard about McDonald’s’ new Obama Value Meal?

Answer: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

– Conan O’Brien

~*~

Question: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?

Answer: A fund raiser.

–  Jay Leno

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Question: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?

Answer: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.

– David Letterman

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Question: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for clunkers” program?

Answer: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

– David Letterman

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Question: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?

Answer: America!

– Jimmy Fallon

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Question: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?

Answer: Bo has papers.

– Jimmy Kimmel

Yes! It’s good to hear these men lampoon President Obama in the same fashion they and the predecessors lampooned the previous American presidents.

The late night television hosts are, to some extent, a weather vane for society’s views and their renewed willingness to mock Obama shows that “The Messiah” has fallen from grace and from the pedestal his followers placed him upon.

All leaders in the Free World need a certain amount of satire and mockery directed towards them, but President Obama, due to the circumstances surrounding his rise to power, the currently hyper-polarized political climate of America, and his particular psychopathology, needs this reminder more than most.

So, keep up the good work, Gentlemen; your nation needs you. But, Mr. Letterman, please get some new material! I’ve heard the one about the Cabinet and the penitentiary during every Administration since Reagan.