A man is alone dining in a fancy restaurant and there is an absolutely gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been quietly checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly the redhead sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back to her.

“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says with embarrassment as she pops her eye back in place.

“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.

They proceed to enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for breakfast in the morning. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! “You know,” he said, “You are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

‘No,’ she replies. . .”You just happened to catch my eye.”

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Throughout much of its history the Catholic church has relied heavily upon its religious orders. The orders fulfilled varied missions and duties for the mother church that were not best performed by the clerks regular.

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This has, not surprisingly caused some friction and competition between the various religious orders. It’s natural that they compete for funding, prestige, and postulants.

Two young men considering a religious vocation were having a conversation. “What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?” the one asked.

The second replied, “Well, they were both founded by Spaniards – St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. They were also both founded to combat heresy – the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.”

“What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?” The first asked.

“Met any Albigensians lately?”

That about sums that one up. The Dominicans ensured that the Catholic church’s “catharsis” was complete. The Jesuits, on the other hand, weren’t nearly so effective.

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The tale of the Hanging Stove is a wonderful story about three intelligent, well-educated men coping with the rigors of the wilderness.

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada.  Suddenly, the temperature dropped dramatically and a blizzard was upon them.

Fortunately for them, they came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The three hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to shelter from the storm. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked, so they entered.

It was a simple place — two rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment.  Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove.  It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron.  What was strange about it was its location: it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams.

“Fascinating,” opined the psychologist. “It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb.”

“Nonsense!” scoffed the engineer. “The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics.  By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin.”

“With all due respect,” interrupted the theologian, “I’m sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries.”

The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue.

When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling.

His answer was simple……… “Had plenty of wire, but not much stove pipe.”

Education is wonderful thing, but it often colors the perceptions of what passes for the intelligentsia and these elitists end up ignoring simple common sense and pragmatism, occasionally to hilarious effect.

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