Reflections From a Murky Pond

There is humor to be found in almost anything. Even those things which are the most vile and pernicious still hold the seeds of comedy within them, if one but knows how and where to look. Indeed, AIDS, Islam, and other similar things need jokes to be told about them.

So here are some jokes attributed to the – probably completely fictitious – Muslim comic, Goffaq Yousef:

Good evening, gentlemen, and get out, ladies.

On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the Bathroom the entire time.
There was a sign on the door that said “occupied.”

What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
Nothing! You told her twice already!

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!

Did you hear about the Broadway play, The Palestinians?
It bombed!

What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?
Lefty!

Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!

Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank?
Because it’s just a stone’s throw from Israel!

Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!

A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police.
“Honest, I’m not a suicide bomber,” he said. “I didn’t say I wanted to blow Myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I’m dying to get laid!”

What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward?
“Live ammunition.”

A Palestinian girl says to her mommy:
“After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?”

As a special bonus there’s a another bit of humor contained in this post – the supposed comic himself. Goffaq Yousef - go ahead and say it out loud a couple of times

The ongoing war against Islamic terrorism is a global crisis; it is of major concern to most of the nations of Earth. Still, each nation has its own culture and its own way of responding to the Muslim threat. Here are some of the various responses from different nations.

As you will see, their responses to terrorism are deeply rooted in their national cultures.

England

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the English issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

Scotland

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

Ireland

The Irish’s response was summed up in a joint pronouncement by the Houses of the Oireachtas which succinctly said, “Fecking amateurs!”

France

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy

Italy has increased the alert level from ”Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

Germany

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.

Belgium

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

Spain

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

New Zealand

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to ”BAAAA!” Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.

Australia

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to ”She’ll be right, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!’, ”I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is canceled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

America, of course, also has responded to the threat posed by Muslim terrorists in a manner completely in keeping with our national character. We started strong, taking the war back to the vermin’s nests, got distracted midway through, and are now bored with the endeavor since it is beginning to cost too much, is interfering with our creature comforts, and getting in the way of our enjoyment of our favorite nightly television lineups.

Oh well, we shouldn’t expect too much from ourselves any longer. After all, we get impatient waiting for our popcorn in the microwave. How can we be expected to stand strong in a global war that will take many years?

A glamorous French model, a busty American co-ed, and an exotic African woman are traveling aboard an airline when the pilot announces that the plane is about to crash. Each beauty, putting the urge to panic aside, took immediate and decisive action to ensure their rescue.

The french model hastily puts on make-up, stirring up much curiosity. “Rescuers, they will save a beautiful girl first!” She declares.

The American co-ed quickly unbuttons her top and removes her bra, smirking. “The rescuers will save a girl with big, beautiful breasts!”

The African woman rolled her eyes at the other to beauties, stood up, and pulled her panties down and tossed them aside. “You two are fools!” She told the other two as she draped herself across her seat. “They always look for the black box first.”