Wedding Night Jitters

It’s perfectly normal for young woman who are about to be married for the first time to be nervous about the wedding, the wedding night, and their upcoming marriage in general. It is equally normal for their mothers to provide them with what they consider to be sage advice. Sometimes this doesn’t work out so well…

A girl was about to tie the knot, and was watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen. “Mom?” she asked. “How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?”

The mother promptly threw a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hiked up her dress, and squatted down, picking the dough up with her privates. “Practice this and when you can do it, I’ll guarantee that your man will be satisfied for the rest of his life,” said her mother.

So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night. While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough. She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough, unfortunately letting out a thunderous fart as she did so. Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.

“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked.

He replied, “Shit woman!” as he stepped further away. “If that thing barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don’t want to throw any meat at it.”

I really don’t think that the mother was expecting her daughter to either need or showcase her modified Kegel exercises on her wedding night. 😆

Normally Brides Consider Sexy Bridal Lingerie Quite Enough

Most young women would content themselves with sexy bridal lingerie and erotic enthusiasm rather than immediately resorting to floor show best reserved for the seedier strip clubs of Manila.

Hellfire! I’d probably be freaked out too if my bride did something like that on our wedding night – whether it “barked” or not. 😉

Related Reading:

Marriage: 13 Secrets To Turn Around Conflict & Rebuild Trust, Connection & Intimacy In Your Relationship
The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny
The Fifth Avenue Artists Society: A Novel
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Sex in the Sticks: A Love Hurts Novel

Tags: | | | | |

2 Responses to “Wedding Night Jitters”

  1. ichabod Says:

    Hi jonolan;

    After seeing that, I would be wondering how to get unmarried real quick. 🙂

  2. jonolan Says:

    Yeah, that’d be more than a little scary on a wedding night for most people.

Leave a Reply