Of Pagans & Light Bulbs

Riddle me this; how many of each of the more common types of Pagans does it respectively take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many Gardnerians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (In a low, ominous tone) “Why do you want to know… initiate?”

Q: How many Alexandrines does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Unknown. They will wait to watch how the Gardnerians do it to perform in the same way.

Q: How many British Tradition Wiccans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.

Q: How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None – Thelemites embrace the dark as well as the light.

Q: How many Frost “School of Wicca” Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Just you! That’s right, YOU! And for only $195 we’ll send you our complete “Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course” with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who…”

Q: How many IOT members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.

Q: How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I can’t tell you–we never change a light bulb the same way twice!

Q: How many ADF druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better the old bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second Druid’s song.

Q: How many Shamans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just change shape into a cat or bat, and can see in the dark.

Q: How many Tantrics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2, as long as the lamp is by the bed…

Q: How many Ceremonial Magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he has to do it on the 3rd Friday of a month when the Moon is in Taurus and it’s the fifth planetary hour…and it’s not funny!

Q: How many Druid’s does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 501. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.

Q: How many Family Traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it’s good enough for us!

Q: How many Astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Don’t ask me now, Mercury’s retrograde!”

Q: How many Pagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those Christians came along.

Q: How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Into what?

Q: How many Asatruar does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, there is plenty of light coming from the burning monastery

Q: How many Macumba (Brazilian counterpart of Voodoo) practitioners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one babalorisha (priest) just to yell that the light bulb is burned and a Yawo (novice) to change the bulb

Q: How many Theosophists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. By the time they finish discussing whether the light bulb needs changing, the proper method in which to change the light bulb, how it might have been done historically, and how everybody else changes light bulbs, it’s already daylight.

But let us remember what is important. The light bulbs were changed – or not – and the Gods are well-pleased by their worshipers. ;-)

Related Reading:

The Wisdom of Ancient Egypt
The Religions Book (Big Ideas Simply Explained)
101 Dirty Jokes - sexual and adult's jokes
The Witch Book: The Encyclopedia of Witchcraft, Wicca, and Neo-paganism
Jesus > Religion: Why He Is So Much Better Than Trying Harder, Doing More, and Being Good Enough

Tags: | | | |

Leave a Reply