It should really come as no surprise to any American that lawyers are the subject of a rich and pithy genre of humor. Truly, anyone in a profession that is considered less honest and ethical than car salesmen must be expected to be the butt of a plethora of jokes.
Frankly, as a common profession, I can think of few groups more deserving of being criticized and lampooned. They, more so than anyone else – including the interrogators at GitMo – make a living off of other people’s misery.
Here’s a small and relatively kind sampling of the genre:
Question: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
Answer: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Question: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Answer: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
Question: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
Answer: One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
Question: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
Answer: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Question: How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road?
Answer: With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
Question: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Answer: Not enough sand.
Question: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Question: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
Answer: His partners.
Question: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
Answer: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.
Question: What’s wrong with Lawyer jokes?
Answer: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.
Here’s a lot more lawyer jokes – President Obama and 203 members of Congress. If one adds in the FLOTUS and the various attorneys serving in the Executive such as the Secretary of State, Deputy Secretary of Labor, Secretary of the Interior, Deputy Secretary of the Treasury, and the Deputy Secretary of Health and Human Service, the delectatio morosa stretches even farther.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
— Mark Twain
Following the Equator
Sadly the joke, cruel and cutting as it is, is upon we, the People for we are the ones who played it upon ourselves by electing members of a profession who are near iconic for their torpor of conscience and moral flexibility to positions of authority.