Eat More Pussy

mercat cartoon - not from PETAPETA has reached a new nadir in ridiculous behavior. PETA has decided that fish should be renamed “Sea Kittens” in order to indoctrinate children against eating them.

Our constitution guarantees their right to try anything of this sort that they wish to, but this idea exhibits a level of stupidity bordering on outright insanity.

In their own gibbering mouthings:

People don’t seem to like fish. They’re slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little headswhich is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you’re swimming, and the big oneswell, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by.

Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this really means is that fish need to fire their PR guystat. Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You’ve done enough damage, buddy. We’ve got it from here. And we’re going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it’s time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

— PETA
Sea Kitten Campaign

Thankfully our constitution also guarantees people like me the right to mock and ridicule the potentially dangerous lunatics at PETA. I say “potentially dangerous” because, it’s possible that these nutjobs could manage to achieve some of the ends to the detriment of civilized people everywhere. True, it’s highly doubtful since nobody with a functioning set of prefrontal lobes thinks of PETA as anything other than useful source of picture of naked celebrities, but it could happen and campaigns meant to brainwash our children are possibly PETA’s best chance at achieving their agenda.

So, to take a page out of PETA’s own playbook, let’s conflate sex with the topic at hand. This will serve the dual purposes of gaining a great deal of attention and making the Sea Kitten topic unsuitable for children in the minds of society. My outline of the basic concept of the counter-campaign reside below the break. It is NSFW.

Eat More Pussy

Everybody loves a double entendre! My idea is to use the obvious double entendre presented by the very name of the PETA campaign, Sea Kittens, as a method for its destruction. Going with that theme it seems equally obvious to use mermaids as the focal point for a counter-campaign against PETA’s juvenile brainwashing attempts.

Below are nine (9) images that should motivate people in the “proper” direction.

The images used as the core of the sample posters are beautiful examples of erotic art featuring – of course – mermaids. The sentiments expressed are quite crass and overly sexualized; that was their intent. The juxtaposition of the two should set up enough of an approach-avoidance conflict in people to make the counter-campaign go viral like most guilty pleasures do these days.

😆 I can already picture the t-shirts, panties, and more…

Related Reading:

Sex Addicts Anonymous: 3rd Edition Conference Approved
PETA's Vegan College Cookbook: 275 Easy, Cheap, and Delicious Recipes to Keep You Vegan at School
Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy
Williams-Sonoma Collection: Seafood
Babe

Tags: | | | | | | |

9 Responses to “Eat More Pussy”

  1. Paradigm Says:

    Haha, that headline is right on the money!

    But even though PETA mainly is for the cognitively challenged, I think they still can do some good. Animals are not being treated well, meat production is a huge CO2 emitter and the obesity epidemic is a big reason why Cubans now have almost the same life expectancy as Americans.

  2. jonolan Says:

    True, current commercial animal husbandry techniques leave a lot to be desired. PETA doesn’t want them change though; they want the entire industry destroyed.

    As for the “obesity epidemic,” IMHO that’s just a fraud perpetrated on people by the multi-billion dollar weight-loss industry. While morbid obesity has negative health consequences, what has been claimed by so many as “obese” meats no well an independently researched clinical standards.

    Either way, Sea Kittens are low in fat – and damn tasty – Eat More Pussy! 😉

  3. Josh Brandt Says:

    Give up fish? No Freaking way. All those PETA freaks obviously weren’t Nirvana fans.
    The song “Something in the Way” clearly states that “It’s okay to eat fish cause they don’t have any feelings”. That’s my justification. Lulz.

  4. jonolan Says:

    PETA is a strange group; that’s for sure.

  5. Paradigm Says:

    Strange maybe, but they don’t want to destroy the meat industry. They want a change into synthetic production. It will still be meat.

    As for obesity there are large longevity studies showing higher mortality for people with just a few percent more weight than average. Besides, why else are the Cubans catching up, is it their famous cigars?

  6. culturepress Says:

    Brilliant. If they’re calling fish “sea kittens,” then I’m about to munch on some pussy right now. YUM!

  7. Food! Glorious Food! « Prudence Ponder Says:

    […] Glorious Food! Jonolan has ventured into the arena of food… and is taking on PETA to boot. (Link is […]

  8. UnHappy Meals | Reflections From a Murky Pond Says:

    […] “campaign” doesn’t possess the cuteness and humor of their ridiculous “Sea Kitten“ marketing efforts. Nor is it yet another rendition of their perennial use of naked or nearly […]

  9. UnHappy Meals | Mizozo Says:

    […] “campaign” doesn’t possess the cuteness and humor of their ridiculous “Sea Kitten“ marketing efforts. Nor is it yet another rendition of their perennial use of naked or nearly […]

Leave a Reply