10 Commandments Of Bass

Yes, while it might come as a little bit of a surprise to some folks, I do more than just work and blog. One of those other things is music or, at least it is now. As the damage to my hands precludes me from continuing to play the harp as I have for several decades, one of my wives got me a bass guitar.

Hofner Ignition / Icon - Beatles Bass
My Hofner Ignition “Beatles” Bass

More specifically, she got me a left-handed Hofner Ignition / Icon series violin body bass aka a Beatles Bass, which I immediately restrung with LaBella 760FHBB Labella Flatwounds, an Ampeg BA108 Bass Combo Amp, and various other bits of kit.

Hence, much of my time has been spent learning this new instrument, both how to play it and how to follow its creed.

Like all instruments, the bass has its required strictures and rede. These are summed up in the following commandments to all who would play the bass. Cleave unto them lest you place your soul – and funk – in dire peril.

The 10 Commandments Of Bass

  1. Thou shalt not fuck up the groove. Fuck up the notes if thou must, but not the groove.
  2. Thou shalt not lust after thy guitar player’s part. He keepeth the fun, thou keepeth the groove.
  3. Be thou not swayed by a drummer with crappy time, for thou art the keeper of the beat.
  4. Be thou not led into temptation before the gig. After is cool.
  5. Thou pusheth thy luck with five strings, six is a mortal sin, for thou hast no business in the upper register.
  6. Thou shalt not thump with thy thumb, nor honk with a pick when thy fingers are the way of truth.
  7. Thou shalt not fear whole notes, for they can be the way and the light.
  8. Thou shalt leave the fancy shit to thy bandmates, so they might wrestle with their own bad taste.
  9. Thou shalt change thy strings at least once per decade, whether they need it or not.
  10. Thou shalt tune thy bass before each and every gig, even though it was in tune when last thou put it away.

So, my fine fellows, if you would be as I, follow well the Commandments of Bass. Elsewise and with no rancor, find the instrument which suits you best and learn its law.

Related Reading:

A Murder in Music City: Corruption, Scandal, and the Framing of an Innocent Man
Standing in the Shadows of Motown: The Life and Music of Legendary Bassist James Jamerson
The Hofner Guitar: A History
Mercedes- Benz 600.
Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

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