Sea Kitten Taxonomy

PETA, in their bottomless stupidity, ignorance – yes, they manage to be both somehow – and arrogance wants to re-educate America’s children. In an effort to twist the minds of America’s youths PETA wants to indoctrinate them into calling fish “Sea Kittens.” But, if the Liberals actually allow PETA’s agenda into the schools and classrooms of America, what will they teach our children? What exactly is a Sea Kitten?

Felis Marinus

Common Names(s):Sea Kitten, Oceanic Split Tail, Yummy Things

Felis Marinus is a family of sea creatures that encompasses a variety of individual genera and species. There is a great deal of variance in the physiognomy, not only between species but also between individual specimens of the same species.

In an effort to further our children’s “education” I’ve provided sample images of some of the more well established branches of the Sea Kitten family. Biology is part of America’s core curriculum after all. 😉

Not exactly NSFW, but I put the lesson in biology, taxonomy, and species identification after the break just in case.

The Common Sea Kitten

The Common Sea Kitten (Felis marinus vulgaris or Felis marinus occidentalis) is the most prevalent species of Sea Kitten found along Western coastlines. Quite easy to harvest and possessing of a light, sweet taste and firm flesh, the Common Sea Kitten is a staples of kitteners along Western beaches.

Note: While the flavor and texture of the Common Sea Kitten is best when very fresh and young, systematic over harvesting has resulted in all 50 States in the US instituting strict limits on capture with harsh penalties for harvesting juveniles of the species.

The Sea Cougar

The Sea Cougar (Puma marinus concolor) is a more dangerous and aggressive species of Sea Kitten, though one that is swiftly rising in popularity among more daring kitteners across the world. The richer flavor of the Sea Cougar combined with the excitement of not being sure who exactly is the predator and who is the prey is making these beauties a sought after commodity.

The Asiatic Split-Tail

The Asiatic Split-Tail (Nekomata marinus orientalis) is a fine example of a Sea Kitten that is considered exotic by Western kitteners. Known for their easy dispositions and delicate flavor oriental beauties, though normally on the small side, are a wonderful catch for any kittener. They are best served with Ginjo sake, Honkaku shochu, or a decent umeshu. Garnish with wasabi and a bit of pickled ginger for truly unique taste treat.

Note: Like all sushi or sashimi grade Sea Kittens, Asiatic Split-Tail’s are best young and fresh. In the US they are protected by the same statutes that limit harvesting of the Common Sea Kitten, but in their native waters there are few such restrictions.

Sadly, this lack of restriction has its dark side. The Chinese subspecies’ populations are dropping due to their being considered to be of little value, resulting in a systematic destruction of juvenile specimens.


It is important to remember that diversity is good for both the biosphere and the diet. The kittener should take every chance to responsibly harvest as many varieties of Sea Kitten as possible.

Eat More Pussy! It’s good for you and Sea Kittens enjoy it too. 😉

Tags: | | | | | |

2 Responses to “Sea Kitten Taxonomy”

  1. standing cat Says:

    Greetings! Can I, take some pics from your webpage for my PC wallpapper?

  2. jonolan Says:

    Sure, grab what you want. Most of them aren’t of a size or resolution that is really suitable for most desktop wallpapers though.

Leave a Reply