Responses To Terrorism

The ongoing war against Islamic terrorism is a global crisis; it is of major concern to most of the nations of Earth. Still, each nation has its own culture and its own way of responding to the Muslim threat. Here are some of the various responses from different nations.

As you will see, their responses to terrorism are deeply rooted in their national cultures.


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the English issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The Irish’s response was summed up in a joint pronouncement by the Houses of the Oireachtas which succinctly said, “Fecking amateurs!”


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from ”Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”


The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

New Zealand

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to ”BAAAA!” Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to ”She’ll be right, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!’, ”I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is canceled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

America, of course, also has responded to the threat posed by Muslim terrorists in a manner completely in keeping with our national character. We started strong, taking the war back to the vermin’s nests, got distracted midway through, and are now bored with the endeavor since it is beginning to cost too much, is interfering with our creature comforts, and getting in the way of our enjoyment of our favorite nightly television lineups.

Oh well, we shouldn’t expect too much from ourselves any longer. After all, we get impatient waiting for our popcorn in the microwave. How can we be expected to stand strong in a global war that will take many years?

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5 Responses to “Responses To Terrorism”

  1. Moe Says:

    That is wicked funny. I’m Irish. They know their stuff!

  2. jonolan Says:

    Thanks, Moe. I’m glad you got a kick out of it.

    I’m of primarily Irish extraction myself and, while I got most of the joke in one of those email forwards, I added the Irish response myself, so I’m particularly glad you liked that part. 😉

  3. Ryan Says:

    Love the fecken Irish. I, too am of Irish heritage and have always loved their way of blowing off the sad and staid. Keep it up.
    My husband, on the other hand is French by decent. I just have to forward this to him. Umm Like all Americans I love a good fire works show if you get my drift.

  4. Karita Says:

    Love it!

  5. jonolan Says:

    I’m glad you liked it, Karita. 😀 A little humor, especially about horrid things, is cathartic.

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