Reflections From a Murky Pond

When it comes to drinking there’s always been associated with good, solid American bourbon – a uniquely American liquor that also provides the character for many of the world’s other spirits – an open honesty and denial of the false propriety that borders on the effete and disingenuous.

This is pointed up with great humor and delicious irreverence in Wild Turkey’s latest commercial.

Wild Turkey – Give ‘Em The Bird!

Brash it may seem – both Wild Turkey’s bourbon and the advertisement – and flagrant in its disregard for subtlety and coyness, but those are hallmarks of the great culture that is America, and should not a people’s spirits be a reflection and distillation of their spirits?

Enjoy responsibly, with neither more nor less moderation than your desires, constitution, and circumstances require – but always remember, especially when a beautiful woman buys you a drink, that “whiskey dick” is real, pernicious, and nobody’s friend.

Kraft Foods, Inc., in response to the continuing backlash caused by the online sexual deviance of ex-Representative Anthony Weiner (D-NY) has decided to distance their subsidiary, Oscar Mayer’s brand from the New York pervert. They have quietly and unceremoniously dropped the word “wiener” from all their hotdog advertisements in favor of “sausage.”

Kraft hopes to keep their Oscar Mayer brand and its trademark jingle from being associated with the neo-adultery and ludicrous mendacity of the disgraced ex-Congressman.

Thanks to one sleazy, pathetic, adulterous politician, the word wiener has been stained to the point that we can’t associate with it anymore,” said Kraft spokesperson, Beau Lonie. “Now all you hear is ‘Weiner sucks’ or ‘that Weiner is disgusting,’ or other even more off-color jokes about it, and that’s not in line with Oscar Mayer products which are, and always have been, a children’s favorite.

We must think of those children and disassociate our brand from this sort of prurience.

Oscar Mayer and Kraft foods are just fortunate that ‘sausage’ scans the same as ‘wiener’ and will not require us to change our hot dog’s famous jingle, which has delighted Americans for 46 years, beyond this simple word substitution.

Rumor has it that the processed food giant is consulting with attorneys to see if they can sue Anthony Weiner for damages. This is based upon the fact that his surname is more correctly pronounced “Whiner” based upon its Germanic roots and spelling, yet he consistently chose to pronounce it as “Wiener.”

Rumor has it that Sabrett, Hebrew National, and Nathan’s, all closely linked with Weiner’s ex-constituency in Brooklyn and Queens, are also considering various brand saving and legal actions but are waiting upon advisement by the ADL before proceeding.

Roasted beets with herbs and feta cheese make a wonderful vegetable side dish for many meals. Try the recipe sometime when you encounter fresh beets at the market.

I particularly like this served with roasted lamb or medallions of beef tenderloin, but it pairs wonderfully with a variety of main dishes.

This, or something quite close to it, would be the end result of Michelle Obama’s jihad against food, states’ rights, and parents’ rights:

FDC State Ration Approved Children’s Maintenance Unit

And each meal comes with pocket copies of both her husband’s autobiographies and instructions on how to turn in their parents for non-State approved snacking. 😆

With all due deference to Bacchus, it’s time to put the bacchanalia behind us as a rite of bygone days. It is time to rejoice and revel in porky abandon. Let the Baconalia begin!

Baconalia! Beer and Bacon, Together At Last! Huzzah!

Enjoy the porkalicious goodness of this bacon mug with a rich, dark beer. Whether it be a smoked beer or malty beer is up to you, the celebrant. and as a break between libations you can fill it with beer cheese soup!

But no celebration is complete with just food and drink. Such would be nothing but a meal, albeit one of divine splendor. To fully celebrate the baconalia requires women.

And there you have the three “B’s” of the divine feast of the baconalia – Beer, Babes, and Bacon! Huzzah!